Mere Days Away

I had better write fast because i really only get one good burst of writing energy a day and its usually first thing in the morning, if i don't act on it then by lunch time like a goddam sieve all of those bird tweeting thoughts i had circling my head have sprinkled out and I'm left with an empty chasm. Not to put unnecessary pressure on this whole blogging situation, but there it is.

In a few days i am going to find out the grade awarded to me for the last 3 years i have spent studying for my degree. I forget generally, never having turned up to feedback and grade giving sessions for the past 2 years, that I'm even being officially graded on everything I'm doing. Or should i say, have done. Not because i don't care about the mark i get, just because it costs me £40 to travel to my uni and then when i am there I'm busy and forget to ask. Being in this 'my degree has JUST finished, what the hell did i study that for' state, where the idea of entering the seemingly impenetrable media pit feels almost impossible i have decided, and am now officially recording, to take a stand. Sadly not against moguls or inflation or for human rights, though thats not to imply that I'm against human rights... obviously I'm for them. No this stand, is against the cultural perception that has always like some sort of cruel chinese water abuse (is that correct? heaven forbid i muck up my torture references on the first go) splattered steadily against my head, corroding my sight and told me time and time  again, you will never achieve greatness. Now this isn't a self pitying poor me thing. Pssh, thats right, pssssh. Not at all. Its merely what i know, near enough my entire family works in retail, my dad works 2 jobs, both fairly unglamorous, and thats fine. For them, for him. Now i am the first in my family to go to university, and my chosen subject 'Documentary Film & Television' sounded very impressive around the kitchen table, my ma boasting of 'quirky choices'.  But actually, though i would say I'm almost impressive in my abilities to write screenplays, direct documentaries, film people in their environments and fuck am i great in an edit, but enough, thats not what this is about, because actually it kind of feels like none of that matters, i can't get a job.

The way of the industry is very much so 'who you know' and that sucks. But really think about it, they can't all come from one long line of inbred media fanatics now can they? Someone, at some point was the first in their network to land that job, to impress that guy, to make their own, not to be too corny about it all, but 'dreams' come true. So why the hell shouldn't that be me. All i have to do is work my ass off trying to find an internship, a weeks experience, an unpaid post. Which is fine, i just first have to work my ass off to save up the money that allows me to work for free. because i want to do it, i want to be the novice intern that aces the coffee run and brings everyone extra biscuits i want to work 15 hour days and nights, making sure everyone is fed and watered and holding umbrellas over camera equipment, carrying sound gear to and from vans and studios, peeking in and making friends with the editor in the hopes s/he'll show me a thing or two. I want to do all of those things and work and claw my way into a creative position. I know that i have to work twice as hard as someone who could afford to work for free in the first place, and that that is something that will probably consistently leave me a year or two behind someone with better fortune than me, but i also know that money doesn't guarantee creativity and it doesn't ensure people skills or confidence in one's ideas.

So i guess in essence, the stand i am taking and the journey i will be recording via this blog, is to not stop until i am making the films, shows, programmes that i know are in me to make. No matter how hard or unrealistic this may seem, i will strive forth and conquer the fuck out of british film and televison.
Amen.